Bye Bye Love

I have been slightly neglecting my responsibilities on the Princess Diaries front. I blame it all on the recent hustle and bustle surrounding me. For one, FQR 7 has just been sent off to the printers. Another mind blowing read awaits the world, what can we say. In case you are one of the few remaining dinosaurs not yet subscribed to the printed version of FQR, DO IT NOW (even if forty pounds seems extortionate). You see, it’s hard putting a price tag on genius.

Anyway today I would like to look ahead and hope that my future is bright and, more importantly, smoke- free. I have given up smoking once again. It’s early days, day three to be precise. It’s a Lent thing so Ash Wednesday marks the beginning. I’m getting ahead of myself as usual. Let me rewind. I started smoking again just over year ago but the cigarette and I share a long history. We’ve had a bit of a rocky relationship. You see years ago I used to smoke. I suppose like any pre-pubescent brat I picked up ciggies with lots of attitude and spunk at the tender age of thirteen. Step one in my career as a smoker was learning to inhale properly. Of course I quickly found savvy tutors, my older sister and her even older classmates. These classmates were of course the naughty boys, the ones with long hair and ripped jeans who drank beer, listened to punk-rock and hung out at skate-parks. They were the types who went snowboarding without their parents. Did they even have parents? To me they seemed very cool back then and so not like other angsted teenagers. They were confident and laid back and they knew how to smoke. In fact it looked as though they had been smoking since before I was born. In hindsight they probably were. Little did I know that their coolness was down to a different kind of herb on which they were puffing.

Next I desperately attempted getting addicted to those flaming sticks. It took a few years and by the time I succeeded I didn’t really want to be a smoker anymore. For many years then my smoking continued until one day about five years ago during a particularly bad flu I decided to throw in the towel. I managed not to smoke for four years and then on holiday in Argentina last year I relapsed. It felt like such a good idea to have just one cigarette, my belly full of Asado sitting under the stars. Oh yes, it hit the right spot, by God smoking felt blissful! Just like those very first forbidden and secret cigarettes I smoked with those crusty skater-boys all those years ago. I had completely forgotten what fun it was being a smoker. On top of that back in Europe I realized that smoking was cool again. Since you can’t smoke in restaurants and bars of course the cool cats congregate outside. And isn’t there something tantalizing about being ostracised by the establishment? Smoking was at last a taboo again just like it was back then in my days as a skaterette.

At first I tried matching my cigarettes with my health conscious organic way of life. I chose to smoke American Spirit. Back then I was still living in Neverland, meaning that I hadn’t truly admitted to myself or anyone else for that matter that I was a smoker again. Rather I was pretending to be one of those despicable social smokers. The I-have-just-one-square-of-chocolate types, if you know what I mean. Alas, I am more of a all-or-nothing kinda gal. Finally I challenged my denial and gave in to my addiction. I admitted how frightfully disgusting those American Spirits actually were. If I was back smoking, I might as well enjoy those damn things, I thought.

Step forward the Marlboro Reds. Say what you like, they are pretty damn good. Even the packaging is scrumptious (despite the pictures of rotting teeth). Since that day I have been on and off tobacco. So far I have not managed to scrape up quite enough willingness to give up entirely.

Fast forward a year and I’m waving goodbye to my cherished reds. Lent is the occasion and I’m hoping that will mobilise the heavenly brigade to support me. Giving up for someone else is always easier so I figure making it a spiritual cause will give me a much needed boost. I felt great as a smoker, a little Faye Dunaway/femme fatale-ish (I said I felt!). Now I will have to find another way to exude some attitude, although come to think of it I don’t really have much problem in that department.

It’s been joyous, it’s been exciting but I’m ready for a change. It won’t be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is. So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye and a happy Lent to you all.

• Stick and Ball in Argentina
• Girls on the road…to Quiaca and beyond!

Tags: Princess, spiritual

This entry was posted on Friday, February 19th, 2010 at 4:13 pm and is filed under Princess Diaries. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.