Country Style and Etiquette
You might think going to the country is just a simple 
matter of throwing on a Barbour jacket, borrowing a Labrador and pretending you married your cousin. No more. Jessica Fellowes has the top ten dos and don’ts for heading out into England’s green and sometimes pleasant lands
1. Don’t mind the technology
Ask your host if he’s got wireless and you’re likely to be shown the ancient Roberts radio by your bed. Conversely, most country houses are trussed out in burglar alarms that make Putin’s security arrangements look paltry. It’s vital that you listen carefully to your hostess’s instructions about where you can and can’t go: the fetching of a banana from a kitchen at midnight has been known to rouse the Dorchester constabulary.
2. Do splash your cash
But in the right sort of way…Take plenty of cash to tip the various ghillies, keepers, beaters etc. Plus £5 per person per night for every night you stay with your host to be left on the bed at the end of the weekend for the ‘daily’, whether you saw one or not (your hostess, if she doesn’t have one, will be thrilled that you couldn’t imagine she could do everything so beautifully without).
3. Don’t ask to go to the local stately
People who live in the country avoid the local stately home like the proverbial pestilent disease, unless they are on intimate terms with those who live behind the gold ropes. Then, you may be sure, they will appraise you of this friendship within minutes of your arrival. But if they are on mere nodding acquaintance with Lord and Lady Toffington, the last place your hosts will want to be seen is on the wrong side of the ticket booth. Best to avoid the embarrassment.
4. Don’t take dogs
I know, I know – you think dogs and country go together like a horse and carriage. But your little shih’tzu, more commonly accustomed to being served finely chopped grilled chicken breast, will suddenly discover its primal bloodthirst and attack the live beasts with gusto. Not to mention that a herd of cows will happily chase and trample a titchy Rover, even you’re still attached to the end of the leash.
5. Do slow down
For everything. It’s frustrating when you finally get your speed monster out of the 3mph traffic zones and onto the open roads to find that you have to keep that throttle shut – but you must. Country cars drive at walking pace because they must share the strip of tarmac with riders on horses, walkers (each one of whom rmust be greeted), tractors, combine harvesters, sheep on the move and so on.
6. Don’t wave
In town, if you see a fellow you know from your car, you wind down the window, toot the horn, wave vigorously and shout ‘toodle pip!’. People you don’t know are of course to be ignored completely. But in the country, whether you have seen your mother, the local butcher, or a complete stranger you simply raise four fingers off the wheel and nod slowly.
7. Do keep a tie in your pocket
Men only, obviously. The problem with country is that it’s near impossible to tell in advance whether an event is going to be formal or scruffy, the great thing in the country always being not to be seen to make too great an effort. But the good thing is that there is almost no difference in rural climes between being dressed smartly and scuffily, bar the tie (corduroy trousers, Viyella shirt and battered blazer being the prerequisite uniform). So have a woollen and muddy-coloured tie on your person at all times, just in case.
8. Don’t brag
On a shoot, the point is the pleasure not the winning. There is to be no bragging about how many birds (always “birds” and never pheasant, grouse etc) you’ve bagged, or indeed, whining about how many you’ve missed. If can’t shoot, tell your host but accept the invitation anyway. The breakfasts are always legendary (whisky and porridge).
9. Do say thank you
But not with flowers. No hostess will thank you for presenting her with a tangle of cellophane and fiddly ribbon just as she’s trying to get the supper on. In the most old-fashioned houses, any sort of present at all is considered rather non-U, but I think very good food (Iberian ham, wild salmon, chocolates from Rococo) is acceptable, plus any champagne. Otherwise, a round of Bloody Marys in the pub after church on Sunday is excellent. And of course, I shouldn’t need to tell you – you still write paper-and-pen letters to say thank you, emails and texts are not acceptable.
10. Don’t mention the war
In other words – don’t talk about foot & mouth disease, blue tongue disease, mad cow disease or bird flu. Farmers are the least sympathised with and anxious workers of our nation and apt to go on the defence.
Mud & The City: Dos and Don’ts for Townies in the Country is published by Book Guild on September 25, £9.99
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November 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Discover this site by accitdent, wonderful indeed. Thanks to the articles I have an appreciation for the “Gentelmen” of the world, and the laost art of being a Gentelmen.
Here in USA much of the “arts are lost, I know I am 62 and a professional, and have experience much. A retired U.S. Marine and one who loves being a gentelmen I will visit this site a lot.
One comment however, Lets beef up the videos. Make them better quality, and perhaps more than 10 sec.
Thanks
Dennis DEMolet
President
Demolet Consulting
Kettiering, Ohio U.S.A