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On the Casting Couch

Movie stars and moguls
And grilled sardines,
Pistou potage –
And a good massage

And paparazzi and Mr Perd
And Pigozzi and la dorade,
Swim fast, swim slow,
The suntan glows

Far from gloomy grey
London and Paris in May.
Asparagus in vinaigrette
And fresh baguette.

How this old dog smiles
At Cannes’ follies –
Bare-breasted, and mad,
And ever so bad.

La Côte d’Azur.
Still a pleasure,
Still a whore –
But never a bloody bore.

Poor some haute down me,
Plaster me in rouille!
Let the lights dim
And the Festival begin.

We go on, us gypsies,
Treading the heads of pygmies!

– Unknown Sherpa




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Finders Keepers


While taking part in a new twist on the traditional treasure hunt, Carol Woolton and her rivals find their competitive streak

An haute joaillerie event tends to be a super-glamorous affair: a dinner in a private palazzo on the Grand Canal during the Venice Biennale, a black-tie ball in a château outside Paris – something suitably lavish to provide the appropriate backdrop for the rare bejewelled objects on show. Launching the pièce de résistance of its 150th anniversary year – a stunning necklace of 11 flower buds set with diamonds and rubies hiding a pear-shaped 15ct lilac sapphire designed by Shaun Leane – Boucheron recently took an alternative route and threw an elaborate Treasure Hunt that appealed to each guest’s inner child.

A mixture of socialites, fashionistas and journalists including Daphne Guinness, Peter Soros, Amy Sacco, Alexandra Shulman, Nick Jones and Tim Jefferies crammed into the Bond Street store, all champing at the bit to be allocated a team and get hunting. These are people who juggle stiff hand-engraved invitations every evening and who, like a rare species in the wild, hosts are thrilled to glimpse dipping their elegant beaks into their watering hole, even if only for a few minutes. Why so eager?

Yes, it could have been the promise of the £100,000 worth of Boucheron diamonds for the successful team. But the truth is that the high levels of motivation were sparked by Boucheron’s reawakening the competitive spirit for team games which, in most of us, has lain dormant for many years. Kipling would have been ashamed of us. Who cared about the taking part? Everyone in the room simply wanted to win.

We had 90 minutes to bring back trophies representing five categories: Curiosity, Danger, Enchantment, Magic and Voluptuousness. “It can be anything you choose,” said Jean-Christophe Bédos, CEO of Boucheron,
as we set off, “as long as it’s legal and you obtained it legally.” People like Ben Elliot of the concierge service Quintessentially conjure up exotic things at a moment’s notice every day for clients, so competition was stiff.

For the Danger category, Robin Derrick found a bullet from a Magnum 45, Daphne Guinness brought in a crystal and leather whip, Geordie Greig went home to collect his shotgun and my team borrowed a pair of S&M zip-up patent stilettos with a mink ankle strap from Lindsey Carlos Clarke. Comparing notes, I asked Kate Reardon on our return what she had for Danger. “A snake,” she said nonchalantly. “It’s over there in a rucksack.” She had a “that’ll win it for us” tone in her voice.

“Kate’s my best friend,” said Annabel Rivkin, “but she’s so competitive she hasn’t even managed to speak to me tonight.” Reardon was busy trying to keep her boa constrictor in its sack – it had got a whiff of the Tatler team’s entry for Magic, which was a juicy live rabbit. Lucy Yeomans of Harper’s Bazaar dressed up as a bunny girl conjuring up Matthew Williamson in a black cloak to be brought back to the judges as her magician. She’d also encouraged Sharleen Spiteri out of her pyjamas to video-cam her singing “Some Enchanted Evening”.

Spirits dropped amongst other participants when Alexandra Shulman and Fiona Golfar swept in with the super-sexy burlesque performer Immodesty Blaize, who did a turn for Voluptuous receiving a round of applause from the judges, who were the actress Rosamund Pike, Monsieur Bédos and Mimma Viglezio (communications director for the Gucci Group). “They’ve won,” everyone murmured. “It’s in the bag.” Unlike Reardon’s snake, which was causing chaos amongst assorted animals and children woken up and pulled out of bed to charm the judges as fairies.

In the end, though, celebrity won the day and Elizabeth Saltzman and Tim Jefferies triumphed, bringing back Mica Paris who sang a sultry version of “Summertime”. The only person who wasn’t disappointed about not winning was Leane – “Well, I couldn’t, could I?” he said. Everyone else peeled off into the night like well-heeled bin men and bag ladies trudging down Bond Street carrying assorted plastic bags full of their trophies and leading menageries of animals and children back home.

– Carol Woolton is jewellery editor of Vogue



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