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On the Casting Couch

Oh, whoa whoa whoa!
The ho ho ho,
Of last Xmas

The bitter snow,
The frost,
All that money lost
In market compost!
I dream of a farm,
Somewhere warm,
With olive groves,
And tomato bread
with garlic cloves.

A hacienda tickled in sea breeze,
The afternoon under shaded trees.

I walk through terraces of vines,
Ancient earth tilled
under clear blue skies
By the fingers of sleeping Gods,
And dancing Señoritas.

Instead.
Back in the real world to dread…
Fickle politicians
And plebs.

Imperfections.
And infections.
A cough like an ape,
and work too late.

Gentlemen!
Fight back
Against the inevitable heart attack!
Less port and oyster,
Slow gin and bitter.

Shoot and fish,
Climb the Hindu Kish
And ride across Spain;
Ignore the rain.

Pass me my pick, George.
There are mountains to climb –
Not for us to whine.

They smile and walk on
towards the mist.

– Unknown Sherpa



George Ingle-Finch
George Ingle-Finch


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He Shoots He Scores


Prince Johannes, aka Aki von Schwarzenberg, on his all-consuming passion for shootingPrince Johannes, aka Aki von Schwarzenberg, on his all-consuming passion for shooting

For me, shooting is both leisure and work. As a landowner in Austria and the Czech Republic I am both producer and consumer. I live off my forest’s fruits. In order to do so, I need to maintain its healthy balance. Shooting plays a vital role in this maintenance. Foremost, however, shooting remains my passion. It’s great to see your close friends on a shooting weekend, but that is secondary. Shooting is not dependent on other people. It really is a passion you either have in your blood or you don’t. You could say that you either have blood or milk running through your veins.

I can’t tell you why it is my passion. As with every other passion, its reasons are inexplicable. It’s rather like a virus you contract, which stays with you for the rest of your life. I like shooting wild boar in autumn, and deer and snipe in spring.

I have never gone shooting in Africa. I don’t know my way around there and I only hunt in places I know my way around, such as on trusted European territory. I know that for many hunters the ultimate kick is to shoot big game, an elephant or a buffalo. Personally, that would feel like I was shooting in my local Viennese zoo. I might say that I am less discriminating when hunting for women; I do like a bit of the exotic there.

I like to think that shooting is a sport utterly fulfilling in itself. Being in the forest, breathing in the cold air and waiting for the animals to pass by is something very organic. Some shoots are more social than others – girls are invited and drinking games are played and quite often these kind of shoots end in a debauched orgy of the senses. I have had my fair share of these shooting weekends.

These days I prefer to stick to my dog as my only shooting companion. No pretty girls chatting away in impractical fur coats and shoes that don’t keep their feet warm. No, that is not for me any more!
I am a truly passionate hunter. I love shooting. I don’t even need to actually kill anything to feel fulfilled. I simply enjoy being out in the forest on a beautiful day. I go out daily, as part of my job. The only company I need is my dog. I would miss him terribly were he not with me. A real huntsman always goes out with his dog. My dog sees and hears much better than me and he finds the animals once they are shot. Being a true huntsman, I am quite deaf these days. I therefore prefer to keep my dog close in order to be able to see his reactions. I get ready to shoot when he wiggles his head.

There are, of course, a few glamorous shoots. One annual shoot in particular stands out in my memory. Naturally, I cannot reveal its whereabouts. It should be said, however, that although an abundance of wild boar make it every hunter’s Shangri-La, it is the army of beautiful girls from all over the globe that makes it extraordinary. Well, put it this way: it makes it damn hard to keep your eye on the pig. But this shoot really is the exception to the rule. It is fair to say that a woman generally plays no role in shooting. At some shoots she might be an amusing prop but she is not an important part of the experience.

I will share a small anecdote that has nothing to do with shooting per se – but it did occur on a shooting weekend, so there you go. Following a day in the woods, our dinner turned into a party. I had too much to drink, as one usually does on such occasions. Later that night I wanted to visit a particularly pretty girl who was staying in a room a few doors down. The corridor was long and murky and, as I tried to find my way through the darkness, I tripped over and heard something smash to pieces. I tried to feel what it was but only felt a cold puddle next to me on the ground. I gathered it must have been a jug of water and continued on my romantic quest down the dark corridor. Finally, I got to the room and was warmly compensated for my inconveniences. The next day, however, I awoke to a most shocking fact. On the way back to my room I discovered the most visible trace of my nightly escapade. The damp puddle that I had assumed to be water was, in fact, ink. Instead of a jug of water, I had clumsily knocked over an inkpot standing on a little table outside my room. I had left bright blue fingerprints along the corridor wall all the way from my room to the girl’s. What an embarrassment! Everyone could see what Schwarzenberg had done again. Nevertheless, I felt relaxed and pleased – after all, I’d had a delightful night. But let me tell you, this really has nothing at all to do with shooting…

- Prince Aki von Schwarzenberg is as passionate about hunting women as he is shooting boars, and believes he has an excellent strike rate with both


3 Responses

  1. Helena Carter Says:
    February 21st, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    Sounds like a typical huntsman to me – exaggerating about the size of the stag and the other conquests!

  2. Ilona Majtnerova Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Jasnosti vy jste cislo hi hi

  3. Helena Carter Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Well, clearly outnumbered I’d say


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