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On the Casting Couch

Oh, whoa whoa whoa!
The ho ho ho,
Of last Xmas

The bitter snow,
The frost,
All that money lost
In market compost!
I dream of a farm,
Somewhere warm,
With olive groves,
And tomato bread
with garlic cloves.

A hacienda tickled in sea breeze,
The afternoon under shaded trees.

I walk through terraces of vines,
Ancient earth tilled
under clear blue skies
By the fingers of sleeping Gods,
And dancing Señoritas.

Instead.
Back in the real world to dread…
Fickle politicians
And plebs.

Imperfections.
And infections.
A cough like an ape,
and work too late.

Gentlemen!
Fight back
Against the inevitable heart attack!
Less port and oyster,
Slow gin and bitter.

Shoot and fish,
Climb the Hindu Kish
And ride across Spain;
Ignore the rain.

Pass me my pick, George.
There are mountains to climb –
Not for us to whine.

They smile and walk on
towards the mist.

– Unknown Sherpa




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On the Casting Couch – Carice van Houten


On the Casting Couch - Carice van Houten

She dazzled in Black Book and is set to shine once more in her new film Valkyrie, in which she stars with Tom Cruise. Now Carice van Houten plays childish games and talks men with the vulnerable Henry Sands.

Your new film Valkyrie comes out next month. How did you find working with Tom Cruise compared to other Hollywood stars?

Well, I don’t have that many Hollywood stars to compare him with, but he was very professional and extremely nice to me. I come from a small part of Holland called Leiderdorp, which most people I work with have never heard of, but Tom was very personable and talks to everyone on set.

How important is the way a man dresses for you and what do you look for?

It doesn’t matter much what a man wears providing he wears it with confidence and feels comfortable in it. There is nothing worse than a man trying to wear something he can’t pull off. I like my men to look elegant but perhaps with a slightly flamboyant twist. I also like there to be a certain looseness about their clothing.

Is there an actor with whom you would most like to be cast in a love scene?

There are a few, really, but I suppose it would be naughty for me to say anything other than my boyfriend. As a teenager, I had a big crush on the young Indiana Jones.

What do you find most sexy in a man?

A man has to be smart and have a good sense of humour. However, I like to see a bit of vulnerability in men too. It also helps if they are musical.

What would be your ideal weekend?

A day spent walking on a beach – it doesn’t matter where – followed by a glass of nice wine by a fire. In the evening I like to play these funny, childish games which become very entertaining after a certain hour.

If you were to emigrate to an island, which one would you choose?

Cuba. It is a fascinating place and very different from its neighbouring islands. It is set in the past and continues to strive for its ideals.

What do you do to relax?

I am huge massage fan. I don’t have a favourite type, but I love to have my back scratched. I don’t think they offer it, but I would certainly go to a massage parlour and pay people to scratch my back! I’m always asking people to do it, preferably with hot wax in their hands.



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